Honestly, I don't know what's next. I have an ikling that I want to prepare for the upcoming season's tournaments, but I don't know what that means to me. Is it to prove something to myself? What am I trying to prove? Is it for physical and mental health reasons? I know squash has been good for me, but the effort is more than I'm starting to look forward to. The results are not outweighing the disappointments at this point.
My mind is almost made up on the question of weekly lessons. I don't want to rush to my lessons every Thursday as I have been doing. It's not enjoyable. Rushing has become intolerable to me. I feel as though the rushing is part of the performance problem. I liked playing the Skill Level Championship in part because I didn't rush or I didn't feel rushed. I took extra time to prepare and acclimate to the mindset. As a result, I feel good about the wins and loses.
I have been putting too much stake into squash performance improvments like I have something to prove to someone.
Well I have to put a stop to that feeling and find some enjoyment. Despite the various voices saying I enjoy the game, I guess I really haven't felt it.
I plan to tell Niki I will change my regular lessons to ad hoc. I'll miss seeing and talking to her every week, but it's all for the best.
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